Karen Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

WEBSITE

2011-08-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

PLEASE GO TO WWW.KARENISRAEL.COM
FOR MY OFFICIAL WEBSITE!

Forgiveness

2011-03-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

Check out an article for which I was interviewed! Thank you to writer Franchesca Guzman and www.examiner.com Dallas edition!

http://www.examiner.com/relationships-in-dallas/forgiveness

Setting Up Online Therapy Sessions

2010-03-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

It's simple! Just send an email to

karen.israel@gmail.com

and I will guide you through the rest!

Online Therapy Now Available

2010-01-31T13:54:00.000-08:00

Dear current and prospective patients,

I am broadening the scope of my counseling practice to include Online Therapy.

You will see at the top right of my page, the Online Therapy Messenger box. This box functions the same as any other private messenger system. The instant messaging chat session is secure and completely private, ensuring your confidentiality.

When you send me a private and confidential message through my website, you will see our conversation in that window. Others logging onto the website, at the same time, will not be able to see the conversation taking place.

Who would be a good candidate for online therapy?

1) Individuals who, for varied reasons, cannot make/find the time to come in for a face-to-face session (work, children, distance, disability).

2) Current patients who want to have a session but cannot fit a face-to-face meeting in their schedules.

3) Prospective patients who would feel more comfortable receiving therapy through this medium.

How do I go about setting up online therapy sessions?

Send an email to karen.israel@gmail.com letting me know that you are interested in online therapy. You will receive my intake forms which include informed consent information, confidentiality clauses, scheduling options, and payment and cancellation information. You will be able to fill out these forms through email, and once all is complete and your session time has come, we will begin with you sending me a private and confidential message through my website.

I'm very excited about this new addition to my practice and I hope for this to be a fulfilling option for any of you seeking therapy/counseling who cannot or do not choose the face-to-face medium.

Looking forward to working with you!

-Karen Israel

How do I get started with counseling?

2010-01-22T10:54:00.000-08:00

This is a question I hear quite often when new patients call. So, I'll outline here, very simply, how it works in my practice.

When a prospective patient calls, I like to get a brief understanding of why they are interested in counseling and what they would like to get out of it.

I explain my diagnostic session process through which I discover the presenting problem(s), what the patient's hopes and expectations are for the counseling process, and the insight they have into their current situation. All of this will help me build a treatment plan for future sessions and ensure that the patient has every opportunity to focus on the goals they have set.

Another questions I hear often is "How many sesions will it take?"

The number of sessions anticipated to help a patient reach their therapeutic goals is virtually impossible to guess. I suggest you allow yourself the freedom to work as fast or as slowly as you need, with no time-limit. This process is for you, so be patient.

When the patient is ready to schedule a session, I will collect general information by phone such as name, address, phone number, and credit card information to secure their session time. Such information is kept in the strictest confidence, so there is no need to worry.

All that is left is to finally meet and begin the journey that will hopefully bring you closer to the life you want to lead!

Looking forward to working with you,
Karen Israel

Why choose Karen Israel to help you?

2010-01-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

Choosing a therapist, counselor, or personal coach is an important process that requires information and thought. Allow me to help you make that choice.

I have been a psychotherapist in the Dallas area for 10 years helping all types of people with the issues that interfere with thier lives. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and a master's degree in Counseling Psychology.

Countless couples, individuals, and adolescents have benefitted from my counseling process, and I have been so happy to be a part of their personal growth.

Issues like depression recovery, anger management, low self esteem, trauma recovery, assertiveness training, relationship healing and many others have presented themselves in my office. Through the success of my clients, past and present, and the excellent training and education I have received, I feel exceptionally capable to help people find their way out of their difficulties.

I truly care about each and every one of my patients and my number one goal is to help them make the changes that will better their lives- be they large or small. I can be firm when needed, and very caring when matters are emotionally challenging.

This work has been truly rewarding and I look forward to the successful years ahead and the wonderful people I will meet. I trust that whomever is reading this, finds the best therapist for themselves. I hope to be the one for you.

Sincerely,
Karen Israel, LPC

Turn 'Want' into 'Have'

2010-01-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

It's simple... to change what you want into what you have, all you must do it give that desire a little attention.

The more you think about your goal, *merely think about it*, the more it goes from being a conscious thought to a subconscios drive. It will now permeate everything you do throughout the day. This consistent and simple attention to what you want will soon become a reality!

Spend a little time each day, or throughout the day, meditating on your goals. Think of it as self-hypnosis. Envision them coming to fruition. Your thoughts will turn into actions, and the actions will ensure that you reach your goals!

Simple Payment Option

2009-11-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

Hello to all Prospective Patients,

I have now added a PayPal icon for easier payment! This can be used in lieu of cash or check payment and also to secure your initial diagnostic appointment.

I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,
Karen Israel, LPC

Asking For Help

2009-11-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we get so used to the status quo; the uncomfortable comfortability of our old habits, that we are afraid to make any changes or don't even realize that we have choices. We offer up so many excuses, to others or simply in our own heads, that we can't do anything about our problems. Excuses like:

1) It's out of my hands

2) I don't know how

3) I've tried and my efforts didn't work

4) It'll/He'll/She'll/They'll never change

5) It's just too hard

Well, I'm here to tell you, respectfully, that you are wrong :) And the solution to your error lies in three words...all you must do is take the chance and ASK FOR HELP.

::enter the next slew of excuses::

1) I don't think anyone can help

2) I can't afford it

3) I give up

If you find someone who seems trustworthy; someone who could understand and offer empathy; someone you feel comfortable with, then give yourself a chance. Give them a chance, they may surprise you. Therapists and counselors are here to help... help you see your choices, help you take charge of what happens to you.

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

Excuse or Reason?

2009-11-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

What's the differnece between...an Excuse and a Reason? The answer to this question can teach you how to overcome your barriers to change and free you to take the necessary responsibility for your life.

Let's begin with the Excuse. First of all, the Excuse naturally serves to excuse us from our bad behavior. Unfortunately, there is seldom an honest excuse for that. The Excuse is our way of shrugging repsonsibility for what we said or did that hurt or offended someone-- whether intentional or not. We use the Excuse as a defense mechanism to keep from feeling appropriate guilt or shame for our wrongdoings. Based on the particular offense, this guilt or shame occurs on a continuum: from very mild to very severe. However we have offended others, or even ourselves, the healthiest thing to do is to hold ourselves accountable. This is part of being an adult.

Now, let's explore the Reason. The reason serves to explain the events that lead up to our transgression. It offers and opportunity for us, as well as others, to understand and perhaps better accept what has transpired. The Reason does not Excuse our bad behavior. Exploring the reasons behind an offense is the first step to accountability for our words and actions.

The next step is to learn from the reasons, identify patterns, pay attention to behaviors, and make the choice to change.

So, next time you make a mistake, mild or grave... will you offer an excuse? Or find the reason and become accountable?

Assertiveness Training Classes for Men and Women

2009-10-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

1. Do you notice that saying no is very difficult for you?

2. Do you feel taken advantage of by those close to you?

3. Do you feel obligated to please everyone else but yourself?

4. Has anyone ever told you that you are too nice?

5. Do you sometimes resent the people you do so much for even though you love them?

Both men and women struggle with poor boundaries-- the ability to say NO as well as YES and feel good about it.

If any of these statements describe your life and behaviors, then you could benefit from my Assertiveness Training Classes. The classes will be done in individual as well as group sessions- whichever makes you feel most comfortable.

Please email or call to inquire about scheduling and fees.

Now Accepting All Major Credit Cards

2009-09-08T08:54:00.001-07:00

Due to popular demand and my deisre to make mental health more financially manageable, I am now accepting all major credit cards as payment!

Please, if you read this blog and identify with

any of the issues mentioned...

Call Me. I Can Help You.

Enhanced Fall Discount!

2009-08-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

To all Prospective clients:

I am offering a fall discount valid today through December 31, 2009.

Sessions paid 2 weeks in advance will be discounted to $90 each and sessions paid 1 month in advance will be discounted to $85 per session!

Compared to the usual $110.00 fee, you will receive up to $100.00 in savings- a virtual free session!

Please let me know that you read this blog to receive the discount.

Looking forward to working with you!
Sincerely,
Karen Israel, LPC

Is Sex Therapy Right For You?

2009-07-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

Concerns about sex and intimacy are common. At some point, nearly a third of all men and a half of all women have a significant concern related to sexual function, sexual feelings or intimacy. Sex therapy can help. A type of talk therapy (counseling), sex therapy is done by a psychologist or a licensed counselor with special training in issues related to sex and relationships. Sex therapy is an effective tool for people of different ages, genders and sexual orientation. Sex therapy can be helpful whether you are single or in a relationship.

How is sex therapy done?
Your sex therapist will start off by talking to you about your concerns. Sexual issues can be complicated, and your therapist will want to get a clear idea of all the factors involved. Once you and your sex therapist talk about the issues you've raised, your therapist will discuss ways to resolve your concerns and help you learn skills and techniques to improve your communication and intimacy.

If you're in a relationship, it's usually most helpful to involve your partner in meetings with your sex therapist. Typically a sex therapist will have you and your partner do a series of homework exercises. These may include reading about sexual techniques, slowing down and focusing on what you're sensing during sexual encounters and changing the way you interact with your partner during sex. As sex therapy progresses, you will use your home experiences to further identify and refine what you'd like to work on.

Concerns about sex and intimacy are often linked to other underlying issues. These can include psychological issues such as stress, anxiety or depression. In some cases, sexual function is affected by chronic illness, side effects of medication or surgery. Depending on your concerns, seeing only a sex therapist may be enough. Or, your sex therapist may be part of a team that includes your doctor, psychologist or physical therapist.

What kind of concerns do sex therapists address?
Sex therapy can help resolve a wide range of concerns about sexual function, feelings that affect your sex life, or the way you relate to your partner.

Examples include:
Concerns with sexual arousal or sexual interest
Compulsive sexual behavior
Concerns about sexual interests and sexual orientation
Erectile dysfunction
Ejaculating too quickly (premature ejaculation)
Trouble reaching orgasm
Painful intercourse
Problems with penetration

Isn't it embarrassing to talk about sex?
Talking about sex and intimacy can feel awkward. But don't worry — sex therapists are trained to make you feel comfortable and will understand your reservations. It can also be tough to communicate clearly with your partner about sex. A sex therapist can help you learn to express yourself clearly and better understand your partner's needs.

How long does sex therapy take?
Some concerns can be addressed quickly, in just a few visits. But to be effective, a number of counseling sessions are often required, usually weekly or once every two weeks for several months. During the first meeting, your counselor will talk with you about what to expect, how many sessions you'll need and how often you'll meet.

How much does sex therapy cost?
Counseling can cost as much as $150 or more a session, but sex therapy is covered by many health insurance policies. Check with your insurance provider ahead of time to make sure counseling is covered by your policy, or have your counselor's office check for you.

Is sex therapy right for you?
You may decide to see a sex therapist for a sexual problem that you've had for a long time, or it may be something new. You may know exactly why you're having a sexual issue; or you may have no idea. Whatever the case, sex therapy could help you cope with or resolve problems linked to sex or intimacy, whether you go to sessions by yourself or with a partner. While some people have unrealistically high expectations about what to expect, sex and romance should be something enjoyable. If sex is stressful or difficult, seeing a sex therapist can help.

Excerpts taken from MSN Health and Fitness

Say NO and Feel Good About It!

2009-03-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

So much of my work is about teaching people healthy personal boundaries. A simple definition of boundaries is the ability to say NO and feel good about it so that you can say YES and feel good about it.

I found a great article that offers 10 examples on how to start setting boundaries by telling you what to say, how it works, and why you shouldn't feel guilty!

Read The Article!

Wishing You Healthy Boundaries,
Karen Israel, M.Ed., LPC

Compromise.. it's easier than you think!

2009-03-06T09:53:00.002-08:00

Another fabulous and simply phrased article from MSN Lifestyle. It is written with one spouse in mind; however, these pointers can be applied to any working (read functioning) relationship between two or more people.

ENJOY THE ARTICLE

What is Your Love Type?

2009-03-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

Here is a great article I read on MSN Lifestyle about Dr. Helen Fisher and her wonderful research on relationships and compatibility.

Read these short yet informative pages about her "4 Love Types" and find out which one you are!

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Wisdom a la Fortune Cookie

2009-02-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

A man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away.

Wise Fortune Cookie

2009-01-22T12:04:00.000-08:00

Life is not about chance...

but about Change.

A Lil' Bit'O Love

2008-12-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

The people who really care about you don't mind if you make mistakes.

It's what you do next that matters.

Why Choose Premarital Counseling?

2008-10-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Why choose premarital counseling?

Marriage can be a wonderful and challenging life experience. It makes sense that before embarking on any major life experience, we get some proper training; i.e. becoming a doctor, lawyer, plumber, IT specialist, accountant, teacher.. you get the idea. So, why does it not make sense to receive proper training on how to be a mother, father, husband and wife?

We do receive some training very early on in our lives- we learn by watching OUR parents and caretakers and amazingly, we learn the ins and outs of these roles by the time we enter kindergarden! And as we grow, any major life experiences or traumas may change the way we act, think about, or see the world and our role in it. But what we learn as children is consistently reinforced by the life we live and people and environments we live around. As adolescents, young adults, and finally adults we experiment with these teachings when we embark on our own relationships. Sometimes, painfully, we find that the skills we learned as children are NOT the best at helping us maintain healthy, long-lasting connections.

Wouldn't it be great to learn how to change our unhealthy ways

BEFORE we suffer through breakup and divorce?

Let me also mention the current US divorce statistics:

The current US trends show that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49 percent. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations. And the percentage goes up with 2nd and 3rd marriages, and so forth.

For a society that regards marriage and monogamy as highly desirable,

these statistics are pretty disappointing.

My personal wish is for each individual to be as autonomous as possible before entering a long term relationship. Since that doesn't happen often enough due to the wonder of falling in love and the sometimes damaging legacy we live as children of parents of parents who have learned bad habits; interventions like individual counseling, premarital counseling, and marital counseling can be life-savers.

Unconditional Love

2008-09-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

You are wonder-ful just as you are.

You are fully capable of creating happiness.

May all of the people and things that surround you

add to your happiness.

All you need in your life to have all you want in your life,

is You.

Be A Happiness Expert!

2008-08-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

Are you an Unhappiness Expert?

Do you continue to do things that you know don't work for you?
Do you procrastinate at tasks that would make your life easier?
Are you in denial about some issues that you know have solutions?
Do you feel guilty after you do something that you said you would never do again?
Do you lack good personal boundaries? (being able to say yes and no when you want to)
Do you think your current state of unhappiness is all you can ever acheive?
Do you feel inferior to those around you who seem to be Happiness Experts?

If you said yes to any of these, and many variations thus, you may be an Unhappiness Expert.

If you want to:

Do things that consistently better your life!
Take charge of your life and simplify it!
Face your problems with courage and determination!
Feel great about your newfound willpower and committment to your total wellbeing!
Say yes to things and feel great and say no to others and increase self-respect!
Know that whatever you want is well within your reach!
Stand shoulder to shoulder with the other Happiness Experts of the world!

All of this can be yours! I Can Help.

Kids Self-Esteem Groups Starting Soon!

2008-08-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Self Esteem for Children

2008-08-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

With the pressures that we, as adults, experience in this day and age to feel accepted...imagine what it must be like for our children!

In a society where outward appearance dictates inner worth more than ever before, the most vulnerable will surely pay the biggest price...Sacrificing their self esteem.

Luckily, we are witnessing a shift. A very healthy, albeit tiny, wave of evolution has come to help people of all ages feel confident about themselves, their capabilities, and their lives.

I plan to lend a helping hand.

New Website Address

2008-08-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

To all of my current and prospective patients:

Within the next 24 hours, you will able to go to WWW.KARENISRAEL.COM and be linked straight to this blog! All of the content will remain the same and will be accessible from this simpler web address.

Thank you for your conitnued belief in me and my passion!
Sincerely,
Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

How to get from Problem to SOLUTION!

2008-06-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

It is my belief that every problem has a solution.

Hate your job?? QUIT!

Don't like your hair?? GET IT CUT!

Not happy with your weight?? EAT LESS AND EXERCISE!

Mad at your spouse?? TELL THEM!

Need more help cleaning house?? ASK FOR IT!

Sounds simple, eh?

Believe me when I say... I know it's not.

And the reason why it's not this simple is becasue of our struggle to change. And as I've written in a previous article: it's not the actual change we fear, but what we are leaving behind. Our resistance to this loss is what can sometimes slow down our process- or even cripple it.

I can help you recognize, understand, and move past your resistance

so that any problem you face will have a solution!

How Can You Recover From An Affair?

2008-05-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is a very tough question. One whose solution is as complex as the emotional impact on both partners.

Disclosing the truth of an infidelity to your partner can be a very difficult and painful experience- for both. The cheater may feel overwhelming guilt, sadness, and confusion while the cheated may feel insurmountable anger, betrayal, and hurt.

If you are in a marriage or relationship that is of value to you and you are willing to do what it takes to make amends and repair the damage done, I believe there is hope.

Healing a relationship broken by infidelity involves the cheater taking responsibility and accountability for the affair and both partners opening up about the issues in their marriage before and after the affair. A highly emotional and often painful process is often necessary to rebuild trust.

I can teach you the communication skills that are vital to reconciliation.

If you want to repair your relationship, please contact me.

I can help.

Thank You

2008-05-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

As a caring professional and dedicated businesswoman, I strive to serve my patients with the utmost care, compassion, professionalism, and clinical knowledge. This is a promise I make each and every session.

I truly appreciate my patients' willingness to treat me and my practice with the same respect. By showing up for scheduled appointments and cooperating with my cancellation and rescheduling policies, my patients prove their dedication to their own growth and improvement as well as respecting my business as my livelihood.

I'd like to thank you all for turning my passion into a success!

Sincerely,

Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

A LITTLE MOTIVATION... CLICK PLAY!

2008-03-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

When Should You Seek Therapy?

2008-03-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

Many of you reading this blog may ask yourself: when is the right time for therapy? And this is a good question with an easy answer.

Seek therapy when your way no longer works.

Have the courage to change.

This is certainly no judgement of you, but rather a realistic look at your coping and problem solving skills and whether or not they serve your purpose. You learn, over the course of time and through experiences, how to deal with certain situations should they arise again. But as you mature and change, and your problems mature and change, so must your solutions. Unfortunately, sometimes you just don't know how or where to find the new solution.

Cue Therapist!

Remember- there is courage and strength in asking for help and taking responsibility for your mistakes. There is opportunity and fortune in correcting them.

P.S. As I wrote in a previous post about when to seek Marriage Counseling, the same applies here:

DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE!

I'm Moving Into a New Office!

2008-02-13T07:32:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I'm proud and excited to inform you that I am moving into a new office!

The new location is at Frankford and Preston Rd.; a mere 2 miles from the Plano Parkway location. I will be seeing all clients at that location starting March 3, 2008.

My new address is:
17760 Preston Rd.
Dallas, Texas 75252

My building is in the right-hand corner of the second circle in Georgetown Office Park, located just south-east of the intersection of Preston Rd. and Frankford.

For simple entry from southbound Preston Rd., there is a left turn-in lane, just south of the Taco Bueno, that leads into the office park. There are 2 entrances from northbound Preston Rd. into the office park.
My office is on the first floor and you may make yourself comfortable in the reception entrance until I greet you to start our session.

Click this link for exact directions.

Thank you for choosing me as your therapist and I look forward to our continued work together!

Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC
Psychotherapist
Board Certified Professional Counselor
972-567-5000

Choose Happiness

2008-02-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

We are now in the month of Pisces, also known as the month of Joy. Happiness is upon us. Do you feel it?

If you have been on the road of self- improvement for any amount of time, you know that happiness isn't something that just appears or disappears. It's something you have to create.

Happiness can actually be one of the most reactive emotions because we tend to spend our lives waiting for things to happen that will make us happy: I'll be happy when I get promoted, when I have a boyfriend, when I lose the weight. This is such a flawed belief system.

Waiting for any external force to awaken our joy and happiness is precisely what keeps us lacking in joy and happiness. Happiness is a choice we make and must continue to make repeatedly.

But what do you do when the conditions of your life aren't exactly joyful? Experts recommend faking it till you make it. In other words, if you can't find the strength within, awaken it from without.

Let's remember that it's our five senses that prevent us from seeing the Light in every situation or, in other words, from being happy 100% of the time. Studies have shown that if someone describes a scene to you and you imagine it, whether or not you see it with your eyes, the same areas of your brain are stimulated. The brain doesn't care whether it happens in reality or not.

Similarly, when you smile, it doesn't matter if something is making you smile or if you're just smiling for no good reason - the result is the same. When the muscles in your face contract, endorphins are released into your blood stream, giving you that good feeling. Whether or not the smile is caused by the sight of your lover or because you're holding a pen in your mouth like a bone (try it out for yourself), the body perceives that you are smiling, and it does its part.

Remember, practice makes perfect. The more you put yourself in the mood, the quicker you'll be in the mood. This week is about making the decision that you are not going to allow problems to interfere with your happiness. After all, this is the month of happiness and joy.

So, make it happen!

*Excerpts taken from Weekly Kabbalah Tune-up from Yehuda Berg

Trauma Recovery Sessions

2008-01-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

Have you endured serious traumas in your past

which have changed or altered you in the present?

Would you like to process through these experiences

and finally learn how to leave them in the past?

Would you like to live a happy life based on

YOUR rules and wishes versus the injuries

your perpetrators left you with?

If your answer is YES to any of these questions

or if you've even wondered what it might be like to

break free of your painful past, then This Program Is For You.

I am launching bi-weekly Trauma Recovery Sessions for adult individuals wanting to recover from:
Sexual Abuse
Physical Abuse
Emotional/Verbal/Mental Abuse
PTSD/War Trauma

My focus is to help you face the harmful physical and emotional memories and impacts of your trauma with POWER.
Your goal is to emerge a happier and more well-adjusted person free to live your life as you choose.

Sessions will be held every Monday and Thursday, will last 50 minutes each. Please contact me at 972-567-5000 for fee information and to schedule your appointments.

Managed Care: A Personal Balancing Act

2008-01-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

I find that managed care has only created a way for us as consumers, as well as our deserving practitioners, to feel exploited. I'm sure many of you may agree with me.

I have encountered many clients in great need of counseling who feel they must take the managed care route to pay for their therapy. I fully support this, especially when people pay a virtual second mortgage quarterly to be covered for a myriad of possible medical emergencies that may arise. Provided that the insurance companies do what they are supposed to do (file properly and justly and compensate the practitioner and/or patient as well when out-of-network benefits are utilized), everyone ends up happy, patients are well taken care of, and practitioners feel pride for a job well-done and well-appreciated for their expertise.

From personal experience and hearsay from colleagues as well as clients, sadly, this does not always happen. Many of the insurance companies, who seem to have acquired wells full of our money, beat around the proverbial bush, stall their payments, come up with reasons not to approve a patient who truly needs help, and sometimes never pay the practitioner at all.

This leaves patients without appropriate care, upset, and out of money. This also leaves practitioners devoid of their important clientele, bitter, and out of money.

My solution for this is to find a balance with my patients. I am not on any insurance company panels for the reasons I listed above. The heartache and turmoil it causes for all involved is, I believe, easily handled. I offer 2 very feasible options.

I am an out-of network provider. This means that if you have out-of-network benefits, then you can be reimbursed for a portion of my fees. I offer a detailed receipt including all codes and diagnoses potentially needed to approve your treatment. You may send in a copy of the receipt to the insurance company and receive their prompt reimbursement. I have seen this a very successful and more profitable way, for the patient, to deal with managed care.

One other thing I offer is a sliding scale fee schedule for patients with specific financial needs. Sliding scale fee schedule means that the fee is negotiated so as to get the patient the help they need, cut out the middle man, and help all parties feel appreciated and respected.

Just ask me. I'll get you the help you need.

Get Started!

2008-01-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

Send me an email and ask the questions

you really want answers to!

I'll tell you exactly how you and I can

work together to fix your problem!

Email me at: karen.israel@gmail.com

New Year Discount!

2008-01-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

To all my prospective clients:

For the month of January, I will be offering the initial diagnostic session at weekly session prices - a 20% discount!*

Get started with your New Year's Resolution to

Become Your Best Self!

*Please let me know you've seen this ad to get the discount.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T13:45:00.000-08:00

Here's wishing you all a Happy New Year

and the opportunity to make it the best year yet!

-KRI

New Year- New Life!

2007-12-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

As we near the end of 2007 and the bright beginning of 2008, talk of the New Year's resolution bubbles up.

What gifts will your new year hold?
What relationship will you work on mending?
What dream will you try to bring to reality?
What wrong will you make right?
What opportunity will you take?
What challenge will you face with courage?
What personal quest will you embark upon?

Whatever your New Year's resolution will be,

I can help you find the secret to making it happen!

START NOW!

Make your Choice

2007-12-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

Finding the courage to take responsibility for yourself and change your life is one of the greatest human challenges you may face. You have accumulated habits and beliefs that have shaped and continue to shape every single relationship you embark upon. Your experiences, starting in early childhood up to the moment before you read this sentence, have the power to leave lasting impacts. Some of these have been incredible and have changed you for the better… and some have marked you terribly.

I now offer you a choice; and perhaps one you never thought of before. Do you want to stay the way you are, missing vital pieces of happiness? Or do you want to find your inherent control and power that can help you heal from old wounds and persevere?

You do have a choice, and I’d like to help you see it.

Manage Your Anger

2007-12-02T13:27:00.000-08:00

Anger is a necessary and important emotion we have that lets us know when something is wrong or we've been violated in some way. However, anger can turn into volatile rage when it's not managed properly.

Do you notice these tendencies in your daily life?

1. Easily irritable
2. Prone to road rage
3. Frequent headaches
4. Frequent stomach aches
5. Difficulty sleeping
6. Others distancing themselves from you when you show your anger
7. Rage attacks- throwing things or hitting things/people/yourself when you get overly angry
8. Blackouts after rage attacks
9. Predominant sarcasm
10. Habitual lateness
11. Procrastination
12. Predominant boredom
13. Depression

These are just a few possible symptoms of suppressed anger that can at least make your life less than content and at most turn into damaging rage.

If you identify with any of these, please call me.

I can help you.

The Secrets to a Good Marriage

2007-11-27T09:43:00.000-08:00

Would you like to know the secrets to a GOOD MARRIAGE?
Would you like to know how to maintain emotional intimacy?
Would you like to know how to rekindle sexual flames?
Would you like to know how to really communicate with your partner?
Would you like to know how to teach your partner exactly how to treat you?

These are a few small questions that pack BIG answers for the health and longevity of your relationship.

Call me to set up an appointment- I'll let you in on these secrets!

What is your DREAM?

2007-11-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

The counseling process is not just for those who struggle with monumental life issues- it is for everyone and anyone who has a dream they want to fulfill or a focus of desire for a better life.

What is your Desire? What is your Dream?

- A better marriage?
- A better relationship with your children?
- A better work environment?
- Better management of your anger?
- Better management of your grief?
- Recovery from trauma?
- Higher self-esteem?
- More assertiveness and self-respect?
- Resolve old issues?
- Maintain the hard work you've alreayd done?

Whatever your desire, or dream... YOU can achieve it!

I CAN HELP.

Family and The Holidays

2007-11-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

When holiday time comes around, we are filled with joy. The anticipation of parties, spending time with friends, giving and receiving gifts, and the general sense of cheerfulness is overwhleming and welcome.

However, for some of us, the holidays are a time when we are faced with old demons, unfinished business, and residual pain. We realize that we are going to be placed in situations that involve our families of origin (mother, father, siblings). We may feel forced, either by feelings of obligation or manipulation, to spend time with people who push our buttons. We can often feel like victims in these situations and forget that we have the power to make the gathering enjoyable regardless of the issues present in our lives.

Family issues can be terribly tricky and confusing. The holidays are a time when we try to make things seem great when sometimes they are just the opposite. We can be easily triggered by old behavioral patterns and fall back into dysfunction.

I'd like to offer some ways to help you enforce your personal boundaries and go into those family gatherings with more self-assuredness, more assertiveness, and be able to leave feeling victorious and whole rather than victimized and disintegrated.

1). Talk about things YOU feel comfortable talking about. Remember that you are an adult and are free to make your own decisions about what you will and won't share.
2). Place yourself near people you trust, enjoy, and feel safe with. If you feel you are being pushed into a corner with someone who triggers your issues, politely excuse yourself to a surrounding that welcomes you.
3). Have an idea of how much time you want to spend with family and let them know that you will be arriving/leaving around those time parameters. Planning ahead will help you feel in control. And making your own decisions known will foster respect from others.
4). Remember that you are an adult and you get to choose if you want to allow someone's words to penetrate you or not. Even when it is difficult, remind yourself that you are there to have a nice time and you don't have to let anyone spoil it for you.
5). Give yourself a pep talk before you leave for the gathering and get support from someone joining you or from someone who you will meet there. Knowing someone is on your side always feels good.
6). Remember to respect yourself and others. Even if you are faced with someone who is toxic for you, get out of the situation and start anew. You will feel better about yourself knowing that you remained honest about your thoughts and feelings while being considerate of yourself and others.
7). You get to decide if you want to be a part of the holiday festivities or not. Use your best judgement. If you think it will be too painful or difficult for you to handle, then make your own holiday plans with people you feel loved and supported by.

Some people in our families of origin are, unfortunately, never going to be safe enough for us to have healthy relationships with. If you think this might be your situation or if you find that you really struggle with family of origin relationships, seeking counseling could help you. Please contact me if you need help.

NEW PHONE NUMBER

2007-11-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have just gotten a new office phone number.
You may contact me at 972-567-5000.

You may still be able to call the old # and get my voicemail, although
I cannot check messages or return calls from that phone number.

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

What To Expect From Counseling... and What Not To

2007-10-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to applaud each and every one of you who finds the courage to embark on the therapy journey. Whether your issue is small or considerable, your choice to help yourself through psychotherapy is commended!

At the beginning of the therapy relationship it is important to talk to your therapist about your expectations. You may have some realistic as well as unrealistic views of the therapy experience. Here is a list of possible unrealistic expectations that you may hold:

1. I expect to feel better immediately.
2. I expect to receive a check-list of things to do that will fix my problems.
3. I expect my therapist to take away most or all of my uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
4. I expect a "cure".
5. I expect my therapist to make my spouse love me again/to make me fall back in love with my spouse.
6. I expect my therapist to fix my child.
7. I expect to heal within a precise and short amount of time.
8. I expect my therapist to take away my pain.
9. I expect my therapist to erase my bad/unpleasant memories.
10. I expect to change without experiencing feelings like pain, sadness, anger, or fear.

While I understand these may be some of your deepest hopes about therapy, they are unrealistic. If you hold onto these expectations during the therapy process you run the risk of changing nothing and worsening your current emotional state.

Here are some realistic expectations of the therapy experience:

1. I expect to bond with and trust my therapist.
2. I expect to learn about myself, both good and bad, and be able to take responsibility for myself.
3. I expect to receive emotional support as well as a voice of reason from my therapist.
4. I expect my therapist to be honest with me at all times.
5. I expect to be productive through hard work and ongoing learning.
6. I expect to be challenged and simultaneously reassured by my therapist.
7. I expect to be rewarded and praised for my hard work.
8. I expect to change at my own pace while being motivated to exceed that pace.
9. I expect to feel comforted and encouraged throughout my journey.
10. I expect to get out of it what I put into it.

As long as you put aside the unrealistic expectations and hold onto the realistic ones,

you will do just fine.

I'll Be Here To Help You

What Anger Does to Your Heart

2007-10-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

Here is a short and succinct article I found on WebMD that speaks briefly about a study done comparing excessive anger and heart disease. A large percentage of my readers seem particularly interested in issues regarding anger issues and management thereof.

Men, read this article carefully, because you guys seem to be the most susceptible.

Read the Article

Cancer of the Psyche

2007-09-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is a loaded comment, and one that I think ought to be taken seriously. The cancer to which I am referring is Self-Doubt.

Take a minute to think of your connection with this phenomenon and its effects.

How many opportunities have you missed out on because of it?
How many relationships have suffered because of it?
How much pointless agony has it caused you?
How many times has it caused you to second-guess yourself?
How much longer will you let it affect you?

Many of you know what it feels like to be under the thumb of self-doubt. You know what it's like to be affected by this cancer that slowly eats away at your self-esteem and confidence. The impact can range from frustrating to immobilizing. Don't let it control you!

Come See Me. I Can Help.

Sex After 40

2007-09-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

We all live pretty hectic lives these days, but that doesn't mean that a fulfilling sex-life must be sacrificed!

Watch this informative interview with my personal collegiate acquaintance, Laura Berman, and learn the facts and statistics about women and sexuality in this day and age.

What Do You Want?

2007-09-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

We all go through life making our choices and living the benefits and consequences of those choices. And one day, we "wake up" and wonder where we are and how we got there. Well, we made decisions and they took us on a journey. If the place you've ended up isn't the place you thought you'd be, perhaps you didn't really know what you wanted at the beginning of it all.

What do you want? Do you truly know? Or are you stuck?

One important thing that therapy offers is the opportunity to take a good, close look at you life and make changes based on what YOU want. This means analyzing your job, relationships, where you live, how you challenge yourself, and what brings you joy. And you get to choose what will make you happy and help you flourish. You don't have to live according to someone else's rules- you have a voice too! Of course it is important to remember that your decisions will impact the lives of those round you, so be considerate.

Do you feel stuck? Do you want something new in life but cannot pinpoint it?

Come See Me. I Can help.

Is Relationship Counseling For You?

2007-09-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here is a short check list to help you decide if relationship counseling could help you.

1. You spend more time away from your partner than usual.
2. You argue more often and about seemingly minor things.
3. You hold grudges.
4. You don't resolve conflict successfully.
5. You have trouble talking to your partner about problems, so you bring a third party friend or family member into the mix (this is also called triangulating).
6. You bring up issues from the past that you or your partner thought were resolved.
7. You question your decision to remain in the relationship.
8. You don't feel like yourself in the relationship/you or your partner have changed for the worse.
9. You have thoughts or have acted on thoughts of infidelity.
10. You have thoughts or have acted on thoughts of separation or divorce.

If you are struggling with any of these thoughts or behaviors, your relationship is running a minimal to severe risk of collapsing.

Pay attention to your relationship and partner, and when you start to notice issues that don't get resolved, be proactive and seek counseling.

If you have waited a long time for things to get better and are feeling hopeless and discouraged about the longevity of your relationship, seek counseling.

I Am Here. I Can Help.

Season with a Reason

2007-09-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

As we embark on a the new Autumn season, we can take cues from Mother Nature to help us reinvent our lives. Just as Autumn opens the window for Winter, the earth shrugs off the old to make room for Spring and all that is new; so may we. Let this time inspire you to end ties with behaviors, beliefs, and feelings that no longer serve you and start anew with a life that YOU choose to lead... a life full of joy, love, and peace.

Let Me Help You Begin!

Are You Doing Your Homework??

2007-08-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

Whether you belong to the "therapy club" or are doing your personal growth work on your own, there's always homework to do. And at this school, every subject requires not an A, but an E for effort. Continuing effort to learn, grow, change, become enlightened, and Become Your Best Self!

I Believe In You!

New Professional Certification!

2007-07-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'm proud and pleased to share with all of you that I have just been designated by the American Psychotherapy Association as a national Board Certified Professional Counselor.

You can view their website at http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com/about.php

This is a testament to my current and prospective clients of my commitment to the job I do- helping you Become Your Best Self!

Sincerely,

Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

New Client Discount!

2007-07-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

Dear all Prospective New Clients,

I am offering a great discount on my initial diagnostic session.

Initial Diagnostic session is only $99! That's 25% off!

Subsequent weekly session fees will remain the same so please inquire about those.

This offer is good for a limited time only, so please make sure you let me know that you read this blog to receive the discount!

De-Stress and Eat Less!

2007-07-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a great, cut-to-the-chase article I found on WebMD. If you ever struggle, a little or a lot, with keeping a healthy body as well as a healthy mind, this is the article for you. The best part is: if you can read it, you can do it!

I SUPPORT YOU 100%

Read The Article

Self Respect

2007-07-20T15:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.dictionary.com/ defines:

re·spect - [ri-spekt] –noun
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

self-re·spect - [self-ri-spekt, self-] –noun
proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one's character.

One may not think of these two words much, and surely no attention to their meaning occurs in conscious thought. But the definitions shown above hold the stuff which makes me who I am and you who you are. Without self-respect, who are you?

Without self-respect you open yourself up to manipulation, exploitation, possible physical, emotional and mental abuse, and the inevitable disintegration of your self esteem. People with low self-respect could presently be or become:

battered wives/husbands
batterers
doormats (easily taken advantage of)
family scapegoat
bullies

These people may feel:

angry/annoyed/irritated/rageful
resentful
hopeless
powerless
depressed
anxious

You can easily see how a lack of self-respect, in its smallest and largest forms, could change your life from healthy and productive to sickly and fruitless.

If you recognize any of these traits in yourself, don't wait until your symptoms become so confining that you sturggle to see your way out. Whether your issues are minial or monumental, I can help you overcome them.

Become Your Best Self!

Summer - The BEST Medicine!

2007-07-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

Hurray for Summer!

Why, you may ask, am I so excited about summertime and why am I taking you along with me on my journey? Because summertime is Mother Nature's way of allowing us to safely overdose on the strongest and most potent medicine she has to give us! I'm talking about sunlight. The abundance of sunlight during the summer months (as well as spring and fall in some areas of the nation) helps bring about such wonderful healing. There is exhaustive research proving the positive effects of sunlight on our physiology as well as our psychology.

Physiclogically speaking, sunlight helps the body produce Vitamin D. This nutrient, when in ample supply in our bodies, helps prevent depression, lethargy, and sleeplessness, as well as a craving for carbohydrate-rich foods. You'll quickly notice that these symptoms are running rampant in many people during the winter months. And psychologically speaking, a mere 30 minutes out in the sun can surely turn your frown upside down! We feel better, happier, and energized.

Summertime sunlight also motivates us to get out of the house, be active, and exercise. Even at it's most mild, exercise has a tremendous effect on mood- specifically depression and anxiety. Some evidence suggests that exercise positively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in muscles, help you sleep better and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness (Mayo Clinic, 2005).

So, you see- Summertime is here for your total gratification.

Take advantage!

Simply Put...

2007-06-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

If you focus on what you don't want, that's what you're creating.

Focus on what you DO want!

Then it's yours for the taking!

Message of the Day

2007-06-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to spot what others need to change, isn't it?

It's even easier to point it out to them.

But it's not so easy to give people the freedom they need to access the truth on their own. We think people can't see what's wrong with themselves. But as we know, we judge ourselves more than we judge others.

If there is someone in your life who just isn't "getting it", find a way to support and validate them. And if your instincts are crying out to give them a dose of cold hard truth, make sure you ladle it out with sensitivity and heart. Without that, you will only make them feel worse.

-Yehuda Berg's Daily Consciousness Tune-Up

I am here if you know anyone who may need help or is in need of change.

Pre-Marital Counseling Law?

2007-05-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

You may have already seen this story on one of the major news stations and I thought I'd post an article which briefly explores the ramifications and implications of this proposed Pre-Marital Counseling Law.

READ THIS ARTICLE

Whatever should happen with this proposition, my opinion remains the same: entering into a marriage requires so much more than love. Pre-marital counseling can show you the truth behind every major issue that could make or break your marriage.

Have a great marriage!

I can help.

Pre-Marital Counseling

2007-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Before you say "I do", you need to make certain you know your future mate very well. You could probably learn a great deal about them just by noticing how they live their life. However, whether you learn by observation or discussion, it's best to get a clear picture of their character, lifestyle, and expectations.

My Pre-Marital program helps both partners evaluate 7 highly important core issues that can greatly affect your new marriage and the course your relationship will take. In-depth questions about lifestyle, children, faith, commitment, finances, ethics and character, and personality traits can bring pertinent concerns to light that you may have otherwise overlooked until the problem became too great to conquer.

Addressing these issues can help you determine what areas you mesh and what areas may be "red flags" that will point toward deeper communication and compromise.

Have the best marriage you can!

I can help.

Quote Of The Day

2007-05-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

In the province of the mind,

what one believes to be true

either is true or becomes true.

-John Lilly

Quote of the Day

2007-04-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity.

Don't fight them.

Just find a different way to stand.

-Oprah Winfrey

Change

2007-04-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Sometime ago I was speaking with one of my cousins- someone who happens to be a very successful man both in his professional and personal life. We spoke of his job, and while he is a powerful decision-maker and mentor, he also often deals with the inexact science of peoples' psychological issues and how those impact their productivity at work. We talked about how those issues not only affect a person's work environment, but everything else in life as well. So how does one fix such issues...they change. And suddenly, he uttered a phrase that I haven't been able to get out of my mind....

"People aren't afraid of change... they are afraid of loss."

That is to say, we are more afraid of the consequence of change rather than the new act itself. I was astonished. All my professional life I have been focused on helping people find their strength to change, and while I had the concept down pretty well, I was never able to articulate the difficulty in change until I heard his words.

We are afraid to lose...something...anything...that previously brought us comfort, security, ease, manageability, or practicality. We look forward to the new thing we will acquire upon changing, yet have so much trouble letting go of what we must sacrifice to move closer to our goal. The goal could be minute or monumental- that doesn't matter. What matters is what we are leaving behind.

I'm not writing this to lure you into being an emotional pack-rat. I'm not trying to scare you away from reaching for your goals because a sacrifice is inevitable. I'm writing to help you see that what you sacrifice is precisely the thing you have acquired and therefore groomed to be the thing you give up for the next step. If you want to move up the ladder, you must take your foot off of the previous rung...no matter how long your foot rested and no matter the reason for it's long stay. It has served it's purpose and got you ready for your change.

There is no cause for fear.

You can embrace the new thing while you say a greatful and happy farewell to what got you there.

Change is good. Change is opportunity. Change is life. Life is change.

SEX: When Is The Right Time?

2007-03-31T15:59:00.000-07:00

Here is a short and sweet article sure to help any adult*, either a novice at dating and sex or a seasoned veteran, make the appropriate and safe choice when deciding to begin a sexual relationship.

Adult: Regarding sexual activity; any person physically and emotionally mature to handle the consequences as well as benefits of embarking on a sexual relationship of any sort with any other consenting adult.

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Calling All Couples!!

2007-03-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

This is my plea to any couple that thinks that they may need counseling:

DO NOT WAIT UNTIL IT GETS SO BAD THAT YOU ARE READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL!!
Sadly, I have come in contact with so many couples in my office whose last ditch effort starts at my door. Usually one of the partners is already emotionally detatched from the relationship and is coming in to appease their spouse. This is NOT the right way to tell your partner that you want to give your last breath to heal your relationship; it's a manipulation.

**IMPORTANT: We use all kinds of defense mechanisms and manipulations when we think we are not capable or allowed to set a verbal boundary about how we feel in the relationship. I understand this fully.

So, my message is this:

PLEASE DON'T WAIT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO DIE BEFORE YOU TRY TO HEAL IT

SEEK HELP AT THE FIRST SIGN OF UNMANAGEABLE DISCORD

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL THANK YOU!

Welcome

2007-01-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Karen Ray Israel and I am a psychotherapist serving Plano, Texas and the surrounding cities.
I welcome you.

My goal is to help individuals, couples, and families face their emotional issues with courage and strength while learning to grow and change in a motivating and safe environment.

When you are ready to make the necessary changes that can transform your life, I will be here to help you make it happen. Contact me for more information at karen.israel@gmail.com or at 972-989-8155.

Until then, I hope this site will be useful and enlightening.
-KRI

Let Me Be Your Teacher

2007-01-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

What is a teacher?

First and foremost, a teacher is a friend, probably the most important friend you could have. Teachers are essential to our lives not because they’re so much smarter, older, or more knowledgeable about spirituality, but because they can see the heights of our potential, and they aren’t afraid to push us there.

When we feel like we’re below zero and still heading further south, our teachers can boost us back up and make us see things for what they really are. They believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves anymore.

Teachers don’t help us so we’ll love them more, but they know that they are just a channel for positive energy and that the only way to truly help someone grow is to channel what is best for them. That’s why even when they tell us things that are difficult for us to hear or sometimes downright painful to realize, it can inspire us and make us feel great.

Essentially, they are simply plugging us back into positive energy. A true teacher understands that our soul already knows everything we could ever need to know, and they help reconnect that part of ourselves.

Please remember I am a teacher not because I am so much smarter, older, or more knowledgeable about spirituality or emotional growth, but because I can see the heights of your potential, and I am not afraid to push you there.

I hope for you to see me that way.

Excerpts taken from Yehuda Berg's Weekly Consciousness Tune-Up

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

2006-11-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

What is PTSD?

PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder is psychological disorder affecting individuals who have experienced or witnessed profoundly traumatic events. The impact of these events last considerably longer than normally expected recovery time.

Read the DSM-IV (diagnotic and statistical manual of mental disorders) criteria

Read a more user-friendly and thorough explanation of PTSD

Causes of PTSD:
Single major life-threatening events: war, act of violence, accident, disaster; prolonged series of events: bullying, harassment, abuse, or living with a violent partner.

Symptoms of PTSD:
*sleep problems including nightmares and waking early
*flashbacks and replays which you are unable to switch off
*impaired memory, forgetfulness, inability to recall names, facts and dates that are well known to you
*impaired concentration
*impaired learning ability (i.e., through poor memory and inability to concentrate)
*hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia)
*exaggerated startle response irritability, sudden intense anger, occasional violent outbursts
*panic attacks
*hypersensitivity, whereby every remark is perceived as critical
*obsessiveness - the experience takes over your life, you can't get it out of your mind
*joint and muscle pains which have no obvious cause
*feelings of nervousness, anxiety
*reactive depression (not endogenous depression)
*excessive levels of shame, embarrassment
*survivor guilt for having survived when others perished or for not having done more to help or save others
*a feeling of having been given a second chance at life
*undue fear
*low self-esteem and shattered self-confidence
*emotional numbness, anhedonia (inability to feel love or joy)
*feelings of detachment
*avoidance of anything that reminds you of the experience
*physical and mental paralysis at any reminder of the experience

If you identify with any of these symptoms and want to know more, please call.

There is courage in seeking help. I can help you.

You serve and protect me...Ditto.

2006-11-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

I am creating a new niche in my practice for Police Officers, Firemen and all emergency and crisis responders who struggle with the ongoing trauma that goes along with their respected positions.

Counseling for such individuals may include post traumatic stress disorder recovery, depression and anxiety management and recovery, stress management, and family therapy.

These mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing jobs can take a tremendous toll on a person's mood and demeanor impacting job, family, and self.

There is no shame in seeking help. I can help you.

Quote of the Day

2006-09-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Eleanor Roosevelt

Lookin For Love?

2006-09-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

Ar you a singleton trying to navigate your way through the dating pool to "the one"? If you are, and have stumbled a few times along the way, give this article a read.

READ ARTICLE

All of the main points in this article mimic my philosophy about love and how to help people find it. If any of this resonates with you and you want to find the right and healthy path to a loving relationship, call me. I can help you get there.

The Winds of Change

2006-09-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to an astonishing story I just read about an official table-turning moment in our current worldwide society regarding standards of beauty.

READ THE ARTICLE

I hope that any girls, women, and even men reading this will give it some good thought.

Fight Fair...Remain A Pair

2006-09-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to a Great Article I just read on MSN Lifestyles for Men. It talks about arguing and conflict resolution in marriages. They make several excellent points backed by statistical information-- we all love that!

You'll find that a lot, if not all of these suggestions, statistics, and anecdotes really resonate with you and your struggles.

If you'd like to acheive these goals, call me... I can help.

Areas of Specialty and Interest

2006-08-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Anger Management
Assertiveness Training
Bereavement /Grief /Loss
Childhood Sexual Abuse Victims
Co-Dependency
Depression Management and Recovery
Marriage/Couples Issues
Relationship Issues
Self-Esteem Building
Sexual Dysfunction
Trauma Recovey
Divorce Recovery
Conflict Resolution
Pain Management
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Unplanned Pregnancy/Abortion Recovery
Women's Issues
Trauma Recovery for Veterans of War

I have experience with a wide range of issues that afford me the opportunity to work with many different people. I embrace this in my practice.

I welcome you to ask any questions you may have about any of my areas of interest as well as questions pertaining to your particular issue. Being informed and feeling comfortable and secure in your therapist's abilities can help facilitate the trust necessary for you to achieve the changes you seek.

Ahh, the good ol' days...

2006-06-15T13:50:00.001-07:00

I read a great article through my MSN health and fitness subscription. Here various doctors, researchers, and writers talk about the benefits of happy memory recall over the nasty effects of depression.
While severe depression is a serious dis-ease and calls for a comprehensive treatment plan, the maxim behind this article is uplifting and may even bring a smile to your face while reading it :)

READ THE ARTICLE

Don't Take " Pill " For An Answer

2006-03-20T14:58:00.000-08:00

I am infuriated by the staggering number of doctors, who we might as well call pill-pushers, who add shame to the healing profession.

Please-- If you see your general medical practitioner for emotional problems, DON'T TAKE "PILL" FOR AN ANSWER!

1) Ask about how COUNSELING can help you deal with your issues and possibly bypass having to take meds altogether!
2) Ask them for a referral to a psychiatrist so you know you will be monitored by a doctor who is abreast of all the latest psychiatric research should you need med management.
3) If your general medical practitioner says nothing about therapy or dodges your inquiries, find a new one!
4) Find a doctor who has a good bedside manner and who makes it clear that they care for your well-being.

We tend to view our doctors as mentors, authority figures, and all knowing healers. We trust them implicitly. Let us not forget that we must trust ourselves as well. Question your doctors, talk to them, be inquisitive. Play a working role in your health.

Charity Begins At Home

2006-03-09T12:18:00.000-08:00

When the topic of emotional and mental problems arises, it has become an unfortunate assumption in our society that a pill can solve all problems. This is simply not true and I'd like to open your eyes to the reality of depression, anti-depressant medications and all of the gray area in between.

First things first-- diagnosis. The DSM-IV TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition Text Revision), published by the American Psychiatric Association, is the most updated manual describing in great detail virtually every mental disorder and is used by every mental health professional in the United States and many other countries. The DSM helps us make diagnoses based on a multidimensional approach to incorporate all of the possible contributions to a person's mental state.

Q: Who makes these diagnoses?
A: A medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, licensed professional counselor, clinical social worker, or other competent mental health practitioner.

Once the appropriate diagnosis is made, based on the criteria set for the disorder, a plan of action is devised. This may or may not include medication management, which brings me to my point.

Once a qualified practitioner makes a diganosis, such as depression for example, he/she may find that through the patient's reporting as well as the level of severity as stated by the DSM, medication management may be helpful short term. At this point a psychiatrist will prescribe medication or a non-medical pratictioner will refer the patient to a competent psychiatrist. The short term medication management often lasts up to 6 months and its purpose is to alleviate the severe impacts of the depression to allow simultaneous talk therapy to take effect.

Simultaneous talk therapy is pertinent to recovery regardless of the illness.

It is possible that the client's mental state is more severe and longterm, and with the psychiatrist's and counselor's close and watchful eye, medication is managed for as long as deemed necessary in the best interest of the patient.

In many cases medication management is not needed at all as cognitive-behavioral talk therapy may be all the help the patient needs.

A few words about psychotropic drugs

I have seen miraculous changes in people as a result of proper medication management. They go on to live productive lives and find themselves again. When talk therapy is implemented as an equal part of treatment, poeple learn to cognitively and behaviorally manage their symptoms, should they arise again, resulting in less of a need for medication.

I believe that medicine has come a long way and we can surely reap the benefits. However, let us not forget that within us is our own medicine-- the presence of mind to know we need help, to ask for it, and to learn from our teachers and heal ourselves.

Helpful Books

2006-03-02T13:37:00.000-08:00

Here are just a few self-help/emotional growth books that I have read that I really like. They could offer some insight into whatever you may be dealing with.

"Self Esteem" by McKay and Fanning
Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Anger" and other similar books
"Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie
"You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
"The Book of Romance" by Tommy Nelson
"Mind Over Mood" by Padesky and Greenberger
"Men Like Women Who Like Themselves:(And Other Secrets That the Smartest Women Know)" by Carter and Sokol

Words To Live By

2006-02-11T13:23:00.000-08:00

"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on — or you will be taught to fly." — Patrick Overton

Find Accountability and Forgiveness... Discover Self Respect

2006-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

I Am More Than Enough

When we begin our path of emotional growth, we may be overcome by emotions such as anger, resentment, confusion, and doubt because we are finally seeing our lives as they are and uncovering the protective yet deceptive veil of denial. On this journey, we may uncover anger toward our families for raising us the way they did. But through insight and awareness, we can take ownership and realize that our souls needed those experiences. As we progress in our self-exploration and living as functioning adults, we can begin to let go of the resentment and take responsibiity for our lives.

Stopping to blame others is only the first step. To truly release blame from your mindset, you need to stop blaming yourself. The same voice inside you that screams, “I hate my mom, I can’t believe what she did to me all those years” is also the voice that says, “I hate myself, I screwed up again, I’ll never finish this project, I’ll never make this relationship last” and other such defeating thoughts.

The gift of this week is the increased ability to recognize how ineffective beating yourself up is. If you tune into your internal dialogue, you’ll become aware of how often you are blaming yourself for one thing or the other. It’s essential to have this awareness because the most important focus is the mind. It controls everything.

The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.

Imagine hearing a good friend talk badly about himself. When someone I care about comes to me and says, “I am not good enough,” I immediately disagree and point out their good points. I patiently give them love and help them see that, despite their shortcomings, they contain the spark of God within and, therefore, can do anything.

Why can’t we do that for ourselves?

This week let positive energy push us towards a finer awareness of our stinkin’ thinkin’. This week we can turn ourselves into our own best friends. This week we can give ourselves a warm embrace and say, “I am more than enough.”

We are so used to convincing ourselves why we’re not skinny enough to meet our soul mate, strong enough to stay connected spiritually, smart enough to make more money, that we stop trying.

Repeating in your mind “I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH” twists the downer thoughts to the upside.

Before you leave this tune up and dive back into your hectic life, please, please, tattoo these words onto your brain and repeat them every time you notice the negative loop running again: I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH… I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH… I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH…

Excerpts taken from Yehuda Berg's Weekly Consciousness Tune-Ups

Now...... What Do Women Really Want?

2006-01-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

Here is the "she said" portion of Donny Deutsch's poll, this time taken from 1,000 women across the United States; another interesting look into contemporary love.

Click here to watch the clip.

What Men Really Think About Love

2006-01-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

Here is a very interesting video clip that I saw on the Today Show. Katie Couric interviews Donny Deutsch for this reveal of some very comforting, enlightening, and encouraging findings from a national poll he did. What do men really think about love? I think men and women will be pleasantly surprised.

P.S. Please wait through the commercial, then the video clip will begin.

Click Here For The Video

Breaking Up

2006-01-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Whether you are getting over a minor breakup or a major divorce and you had genuine and sincere feelings for that person and the relationship, breaking up can be a diffcult and painful task. It often takes a considerable amount of time to recover from this loss- the loss of a partner, the friendship that accompanied that partnership, the security that the relationship afforded you, and the temporary void you feel now that the relationship is over. Some irrational fears may accompany the break-up such as feelings of inferiority, excessive guilt for the dissolution of the relationship, and hopelessness of ever finding someone else to love you or finding someone to love.

But breakups don't have to be impossible and you can recover. The possibility of a fresher and reenergized self can emerge if you look at the breakup for what it is and what it can teach you for the future. Even in the midst of sadness and doubt and all of the pain that you may need to endure as a mourner to a former chapter of life, you can grow from the experience. Your attitude and belief system regarding breaking up and especially divorce is of utmost importance and you may find that you may need to adjust your conceptualization. It could be your saving grace- the thing that allows you to move on wiser and more self-assured that you can find happiness in life no matter what you endured in the past.

If you are dealing with these issues and find yourself stuck in bereavement or irrational thinking, counseling could help you out of it. The possibility of a happier, more productive way of experiencing love and relationships is here if you want it. All you have to do is ask.

ABC's and Self-Esteem

2005-11-17T20:35:00.000-08:00

self-esteem
n 1: a feeling of pride in yourself [syn: self-pride] 2: the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect; "it was beneath his dignity to cheat"; "showed his true dignity when under pressure" [syn: dignity, self-respect, self-regard]

We often hear of people struggling with so much in their adult lives. Career, marriage, friendships, and family life may suffer when we feel like we're not putting our best foot forward. And moreso, we may feel as if we don't even know how to do that. We sometimes lack the self-confidence, the self-assuredness, and the self-respect. We are lacking in adequate self-esteem.

This struggle does not magically rear it's ugly head one day when we least expect it. Self-esteem, or lack thereof, is something that is instilled in us from a very young age. Given any individual's history, traumas as well as huge successes shaped his/her self-image. With parental/teacher/primary caregiver guidance, reassurance, caring, love and encouragement- or lack thereof- we learned how to view ourselves. These views were then reinforced by our life experiences and eventually became a part of out internal monologue. Some children hear "you are wonderful" when their internal monologue is spoken. Others, unfortunately hear "you are stupid" or "you are not good enough". These phrases can become the thin line between success and disappointment. They can become the closing door or the opening window.

It is my wish that every child may hear "you are wonderful" when their internal monologue is spoken. And you, as parents, teachers, and primary caregivers can make this a reality. You can help the children around you seek success rather than cower in the face of disappointment. You can help them find open windows rather than closing their own doors.

Throughout college and some of graduate school, I worked for a few different daycare centers with pre-school aged children. I had the chance to work with infants up through kindergarteners, and I also had the chance to know their parents. I could tell, quite quickly and easily, which children would be progressing- socially and intellectually- and which might end up struggling. And to make this observation, I looked to their parents. The parents who were ready and interested to speak with me and the other teachers about their childrens' progress were invested in their childrens' experiences and growth as individuals- even at a place as seemingly inconsequential as daycare.

By being involved, those parents set an important precedent in their childrens' lives: We love you, care about you, and believe in you - and we are teaching you to do the same for yourself.

Be one of those parents.

Conflict Resolution

2005-11-14T23:31:00.000-08:00

One vital component to a healthy relationship is the ability to resolve conflict. As every person in any sort of relationship knows well, conflict arises whether we like it or not. The challenge is to resolve the conflict in a timely manner while maintaining our self-respect, feeling heard and respected by the other for our thoughts and feelings, and an enhanced closeness to the other as a result of the increased understanding that comes from a well-resolved conflict.

Why is conflict resolution so hard? Some people may find themselves on either side of the spectrum when it comes to unhealthy conflict resolution skills. One person may find themselves very resistant to conflict, or conflict avoidant, and will manifest this fear in different ways. He/she may quickly yet painfully shut down, emotionally, when faced with conflict. Some fears associated with a conflict situation may be: fear of rejection for disagreeing with partner, fear of "blowing up" at or incurring violence from partner, fear of being belittled for one's opinions, fear of being manipulated by partner to adhere to partner's wishes, and fear of the possible dissolution of the relationship for saying 'No' to partner. Ways that these fears manifest themselves are: walking away when being confronted about an issue, remaining very quiet and acquiescing to the other's decisions, agreeing with partner to "keep the peace" (in other words, not keeping good personal boundaries) or triangulating someone outside of the relationship to take your side in the conflict. These fears may overlap resulting in the intense anxiety often produced by a conflict situation.
The same anxiety is produced by the other possible unhealthy response to conflict: intense anger and explosiveness. Some manifestations of this are: any type of verbal manipulation to get one's way (yelling, talking down to other), physical violence against someone/something or throwing inanimate objects at someone/something, or triangulating someone outside of the relationship to take your side in the conflict.

It is important to note that the fundamental fears are the same for both groups of people. Both groups are afraid of losing control; the former for losing their perceived control of the "happy and undisturbed" relationship, and the latter for losing their perceived control of the other in the relationship. Attempted control over anything but yourself and your actions can lead to serious relationship problems.

If you notice any similarities between your conflict resolution skills and the ones listed, seeing a mental health professional could be of great help. Learning the skills necessary for healthy conflict resolution can do wonders for your relationship.

Credentials

2005-11-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

Karen Israel has a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and a Master's degree in Counselor Education from the University of North Texas, in Denton, Texas. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Texas and has been practicing psychotherapy both as an Intern and a certified professional for 12 years. She also has a national certification as a Board Certified Professional Counselor (BCPC).
Having gained extensive knowledge and clinical experience working with trauma victims, sexual abuse victims, and individuals with major depression and anxiety, as well as dual diagnoses, she has a solid foundation regarding individuals with severe issues. Karen's experience has offered her a widespread understanding of self-esteem issues and personal boundary work, and she affords her clients a comfortable and safe growth environment.
She is also specifically interested in relationship dynamics and works with clients on pre-marital, marital, and divorce issues as well as sexuality and sexual dysfunction issues.

My Philosophy - The Ripple Effect

2005-11-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

Nature shows us how one tiny drop of water can dramatically alter the surface of an entire body of water; hence, The Ripple Effect.

I believe that people function in the same way. If you can make one small change on the inside, you have the capacity to witness miraculous changes on the outside.

Change is Possible.

You are Capable.

Let Me Help You Find the First Drop

Areas of Specialty and Interest

2005-11-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

Some Signs of Emotional Distress

2005-11-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

1. Tension between you and your spouse or partner.
2. Unresolved issues with co-workers or boss that hinder productivity and workplace satisfaction.
3. Difficulty handling and/or effectively caring for your children.
4. Angry all of the time and unsure of the reason.
5. Inability to enjoy your friends, family and past-times in the manner to which you are accustomed.
6. Anxiety or fear around familiar situations and/or people.

These, among many others, can all be symptoms of a greater problem, such as depression or anxiety disorder.
But you don’t have to endure that discomfort any longer.

Everyone's Struggle

2005-11-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

Your life is filled with numerous tasks and stressors that greatly impact your home, children, relationships, and career.
You work very diligently to balance these important pieces.
Sometimes, you find that the tools you have are just not sufficient enough to get you through the hardships that accompany your life.
Emotions are overlooked and personal connections may suffer once you have exhausted those resources.
This can wreak havoc in your life resulting in considerable dissatisfaction and even despair.

The Mechanics of Anger

2005-11-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

The Mechanics: How Anger Occurs
Understanding the 'mechanics' of your anger is the first step in mastering this mood.
The 'shoulds'
Many of us live our lives with a long list of 'shoulds'. These are our beliefs or expectations of how we should behave or how other people should behave. For example: 'he/she should arrive home from work on time, waiters or shop assistants should treat me with respect, my work colleagues should support me and cooperate with me. I should not make mistakes. I should be better at this'.
Each time one of these expectations is not met we get angry. But it's not the mismatch between our expectations and the actual event that causes the anger - we set ourselves up to become angry by having such a list in the first place.
Life will never match your personal expectations. It's full of individuals with their own views and their own ways of going about things. By our standards many of these will appear flawed or even bizarre.
But there is little we can do about it. This may be a tough one to accept. But it is reality and is accepting this is a prerequisite to having peace of mind. You have got to accept that you cannot have things your way all of the time. And you have got to accept that even you will not get things right all of them time. The price of not accepting this is to carry on being righteous and angry for the rest of your life...

Anger Triggers: 'Mind Reading'
Frequently it is not the event itself that provokes us but what we decide the other involved person is thinking or feeling about us.
When someone behaves in a manner that is against our 'rules' we arbitrarily decide that we 'know' their motives. We decide that we are able to read their minds.
For example: when a car overtakes us we get angry because we 'know' that the driver is looking down on us or thinks he/she is better than us in some way. If someone turns up late for a meeting we get angry because we 'know' they do not respect us. If someone in our family misunderstands us we get angry because we 'know' they are doing it deliberately.
In such cases we don't bother to ask them what, exactly, they are thinking or feeling at the time. After all why should we? We decide that if they truly cared about, respected, loved us they would live according to our rules - or they would 'know' that their behavior was going to upset us and not do it.
This kind of warped thinking may seem humorous when read in cold print but is frequently the kind of thinking that goes on in those moments when we are simmering and coming to the anger boil.
It occurs through lack of self-awareness - we get into the habit and it becomes our normal way of thinking. Then it's as if there is a mental program running in the background which guesses what a person is thinking, decides that they feel negative toward us, and then starts up our anger motor.

Anger triggers: 'Collecting Straws'
It's morning and you are getting ready for work. But you've run out of your favorite breakfast cereal. Or there's no milk. Or you can't find your keys. And you think to yourself I just know it's going to be one of those days!
You are about to begin collecting straws.
From now on you will be on the lookout for things to get annoyed about. And doing this will ensure that do not notice things that you might otherwise feel good about.
For some people this is a thing they do for a few hours or a day. Others collect straws over weeks or months. And become quite furious in the process.
That's it - I've had enough!
Let's say Jo is one of these collectors. She is shopping and in the supermarket is bumped by someone's trolley. Anyone else might be mildly irritated by the other persons' clumsiness. on a good day Jo might have let it pass, too.
But not today. Because she is on the lookout for things to add to her belief that today is one of those days and that the world is out to make her annoyed.
So she explodes with fury, creating a scene that she may later feel embarrassed about or experience self-hatred or guilt.
The intensity of her outburst is due to the suppressed anger built up since she first thought to herself It's going to be one of those days! And the unfortunate person who bumped into her while searching for the chocolate biscuits bears the brunt of this accumulated irritability or anger.
Days or weeks of 'collecting'
People with a strong anger-habit don't collect reasons to feel angry over just a few hours. They can spend weeks, months or a lifetime doing it. This accounts for their quite over-the-top response to rather insignificant events.
When these people reach their ' final straw' - the trigger event which takes them overboard the explosion can be quite severe and may even result in physical violence.
How does this work?
We find what we set ourselves up to find. If I have a belief that the world is out to get me, or that nobody respects me, or that my partner, friends or family hate me then I will find lots of evidence for this. And I will ignore any evidence that contradicts this.
All the little pieces of evidence are carefully collected along with our irritability for each situation. Mixing metaphors, it is as if we have a cooking put into which we put every event and keep it simmering. Then the point is reached where we have had enough and we explode.
Now it is as if the final straw event has tapped into our 'unfinished business reservoir' where our memories of anger and injustice and disrespect are stored.
In the case of severe anger this reservoir can include memories of slights and injustices going back to childhood.

Anger & Self Criticism
Many of us are pretty tough on ourselves. We set ourselves standards so high that even a saint might have difficulty in reaching them! And each time our performance fails to reach these unrealistically high standards we mentally criticize ourselves - with harsh, aggressive self-talk.
Living by their rules
What is often occurring here is that we are living according to other's rules. Over the years, and particularly during our childhood years, we acquire lots of standards or 'rules to live by' from our parents, brothers or sisters, teachers, religious mentors, etc.
And, once acquired, we often accept these rules as being 'the right way' of doing things. We don't subject them to on-going evaluation.
One result of this is that mature adults are often trying to live fulfilling lives with the beliefs and standards of a 6-year old.
We have never gotten round to updating our standards to suit our adult lifestyle.
Get it right!!
So, for example, the childhood lesson to 'get it right every time' that's a pretty tough standard to try to live up to in adult life. As is the lesson: 'if a thing is worth doing it's worth doing right'
Trying to live up to these lessons or beliefs in adult life is going to ensure we don't try new things very often because to do so will guarantee that we fall short of our learned perfectionist tendency.
Don't upset people!
Other out-dated beliefs that are often carried over from childhood include: 'Don't upset people' or 'A tidy house is the sign of a good parent' or 'You must win every time'.
We see the irrationally of our old beliefs
When they are brought out into the cold light of day we can usually see how irrational are these old legacy beliefs. But just doing that once or twice does not defuse them.
You need a more consistent program - where you are observing them in action and reminding yourself on a daily basis of how silly they are. Remember that beliefs work at an emotional level. To defuse them by yourself you need to do so very frequently - taking just one silly belief at a time and dealing with it until it fades in importance.
How out-dated beliefs provoke self criticism.
Unless I have challenged them my learned childhood beliefs will rule me. And every time I transgress one of them I undermine my self esteem. I fall short of the impossibly high inherited standards and, to try and get myself to meet these standards, I criticize myself - after all, that's how my parents or teachers tried to get me to meet them.
Continual self criticism with no apparent improvement when I compare myself with the (impossible and unrealistic) standards results in an on-going angry self tall: you're just useless! No can never do anything right! You stupid etc. etc.
This builds, accumulates and ferments. And soon it becomes directed outwards, too. I am so annoyed with myself that I 'take it out' on others and respond to their failings and misdemeanors with unnecessary fury.

Action on Anger: Diffuse the Anger Triggers
Should we keep it in or let it out?
Lots of experts advise us that it is much better to express anger rather than bottle it up.
They point out that suppressing anger can adversely affect our physical health and, in research, has frequently linked with heart disease.
Yet other experts advise that expressing anger only makes things worse because it exacerbates the difficult situation and can have a destructive impact on your relationships, your career, and even your personal liberty.
This conflicting advice does not seem to offer us much choice. Expressing anger is easier on the heart but you could end up lonely or in prison. Suppress anger and people will like you but you may damage your health.
What a choice!!
Fortunately these are not our only choices. There is a third option - not to get angry in the first place. That is what this article is about.
Dissolve Anger
The best way of dealing with the anger habit is to prevent it occurring in the first place. This means getting to know the triggers that evoke angry feelings and systematically defusing each trigger situation's ability to affect you.
Action Step 1: Remind yourself of a few facts
Fact 1: Recognize that you are not omnipotent! You cannot change the world. You cannot win every argument - every I'm-right-you're-wrong battle. And you cannot change other people - they have a right to their own views and behaviors.
Fact 2: Recognize that, just like you, other people are fallible and human. And that they are just as likely as you to say or do inappropriate and thoughtless things on occasions. Accept this and don't nourish a grievance when they do get it wrong.
Fact 3: Recognize that your anger hurts you much more than it hurts others - it affects your peace of mind, your relationships and your physical health.
Action Step 2: Find your anger-triggers
First find the triggers. Triggers are your signals that it is time to get angry and they are important because once one has been activated the feelings occur automatically and inevitably. So, from moment to moment, pay attention to what irritates you. So spend the next week or two building a list of these anger-triggers. Do it on a card or scrap of paper that you keep with you throughout the day.
Action Step 3: Rate the triggers on a Red Scale of 1-10
When you've got a sizeable list go through it and give a 10 score to triggers that evoke uncontrollable fury and 1 to those evoking very mild irritation. Get a sheet of paper, draw a line down the centre and on the left hand side re-write your 'Red Scale' triggers beginning with the highest scorers. On the opposite side write *all * the meanings (the mind-reading interpretations) that you tend to attach to each event. For example: lets' say being overtaken while driving is a trigger. Opposite this you might write 'they think they're better than me', or 'they're trying to look down on me because I have an old car' or 'because I'm younger/older than they', etc.
Once the triggers are on paper some of these meanings will appear silly to you. Great! You are on your way to feeling in control of your moods. But most will still be active triggers - as with phobias, an anger-response is an emotional and not a rational activity.
Action Step 4: Create a Trigger of the Week Card
Begin by selecting a moderate trigger - say one that scores four or five on your Red Scale. Make this your 'Trigger of the Week'. Write it on a sealed envelope or a 3 x 5 index card so you have a reminder with you at all times.
Beneath it write the significances or interpretations that you normally give such situations and which provoke your anger. Then list the *costs * of being a victim to this type of situation. For example, consider what it costs you when you get angry because the kids didn't clean their rooms? Your peace of mind is undermined for hours after the argument. They sulk for hours - days if they are teenagers. Perhaps you and your spouse argue over the importance of it at all. And so the list goes on.
Next, on the other side of your card list some *Better Ways * than becoming angry of getting what you want. What is a better way than shouting at kids of getting them to come home on time? What is a better way of getting respect from colleagues, friends or strangers. (In some cases there may be no way of doing this so accept that.) When you want your life-partner to understand you are there better ways than banging doors or shouting at them? Remind yourself, too, that you can't always get what you want - so accept that and get on with your life.
Action Step 5: Use the card when a trigger is activated
Every time your Trigger of the Week gets activated think to yourself, in the moment, 'here we go again - my trigger has been activated and I'm reacting like a puppet whose strings are being pulled - and this is no longer acceptable to me'.
Take a few relaxing breaths and then reflect on the implications of being a helpless victim to that trigger. Don't get angry with yourself, though, there's no point in that - it's just wired-in button. Simply decide you've had enough of it and that you are now learning to respond more appropriately. Use your Better Ways list and visualize how you could have responded.
Your investment in peace of mind
Work your way through all the anger-triggers on your list. Leave the highest scoring ones till last when you will have built up skill and confidence in neutralizing triggers. These steps will require a few minutes a week but when you consider how long have you been at the mercy of your anger moods you may well decide that this is a good investment of your time and attention.
Watch out for Secondary Gain...
Secondary gain is a psychological term for the pay-off you get from having a problem. So what do you get from becoming angry? Does it give you a feeling of power, as for example when you notice that it intimidates others? Does it give you a feeling of being hard-done-by? Is anger the only way you currently have of protecting yourself from others who might otherwise control or overwhelm you?
This secondary gain will undermine your anger-resolving process unless you get it really clear in your mind that you no longer want such a pay-off. Or that you now have better ways of attaining it.

Last point - Not All Anger is Unhealthy
Bear in mind that not all anger is unhealthy. Sometimes anger is quite appropriate - it can be our final defense against allowing other people to manipulate or dominate us. And it can motivate us to take action against injustice.
Anger is healthy when it is not on-going but is usefully channeled into appropriate action.

Information from www.pe2000.com

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

2005-11-07T09:20:00.001-08:00

How many of the following attitudes and behaviors are present in your relationships?
- Communication is open and spontaneous
- Rules/boundaries are clear and explicit, yet allows flexibility
- Individuality, freedom, and personal identity is enhanced
- Each enjoys doing things for self as well as for the other
- Play, humor, and having fun together is commonoplace
- Each does not attempt to "fix" or control the other
- Acceptance of self and other
- Assertiveness: feelings and needs are expressed
- Humility: ability to let og of the need to "be right"
- Self confidence and security in own worth
- Conflict is faced directly and resolved
- Openness to consructive feedback
- Each is trustful of the other
- Balance of giving and receiving
- Negotiations are fair and democratic
- Tolerance: forgiveness of self and other
- Mistakes are accepted and learned from
- Willingness to take risks and be vulnerable
- Other meaningful relationships enter and exist
- Each can enjoy being alone and privacy is resepcted
- Personal growth, change, and exploration is encouraged
- Continuity and consistency
- Balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from eachother
- Responsibility for own behaviors and happiness (not blaming other)

Do You Need Marriage Counseling?

2005-11-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

Signs That Your Marriage May Need Marriage Counseling

1. Communications between the partners often take on a negative tone of and result in hostility or antagonistic encounters.
2. Communications are so bad that most talks about marriage problems end up in arguments or verbal fights.
3. Marriage problems have led to violence or physical fighting.

4. Marital troubles cause one spouse to become depressed, anxious, drink excessively, feel insecure, lose their self-esteem or withdraw.
5. One or both partners avoids or withdraws from the other or develops a lifestyle that leaves out the other against their wishes.
6. There are sexual problems in the relationship that cannot seem to be solved and if the sexual problems cause negative feelings or frustration.
7. Either marital partner has been unfaithful or is seriously considering having an affair.
8. A couple agrees together that they have marriage problems and do not know how to change things or solve their differences.
9. A spouse acts out feelings with actions that are mean, hateful or resentful.
10. Partners are staying together "for the sake of the children".

Why Choose a Marriage Counselor or Family Therapist?

Certainly, your friends, family and religious community can be excellent sources of advice, guidance and support for you and your partner in your time of need. However, no one is better equipped than a trained professional, such as a marriage counselor or family therapist, to help you work through the toughest parts of your marital difficulties.

Research repeatedly demonstrates the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy in treating the full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems that may arise in times of marital difficulty.

Studies show that clients are highly satisfied with services of marriage counselors and family therapists. Clients report marked improvement in work productivity, co-worker relationships, family relationships, partner relationships, emotional health, overall health, social life and community involvement.

Marriage and Family Therapists regularly practice short-term therapy. About half of the treatment provided by MFTs is one-on-one with the other half divided between couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.

Mood and Food

2005-11-07T09:19:00.001-08:00

MOOD AND FOOD
Understand The Relationship
Unexpected changes at work, going out for dinner, dining at a buffet — all can trigger urges to overeat. Mood, however, also can trigger overeating. For some people, eating may be a way of suppressing or soothing negative emotions, such as stress, anger, anxiety, boredom, sadness and loneliness. These negative states can be caused by everything from major life events to simple day-to-day hassles. Though the "comfort foods" turned to in times of trouble might provide short-term fixes, they can lead to an unhealthy long-term habit of eating in response to negative feelings, not hunger.

Emotional eaters don't necessarily eat more foods, they eat more unhealthy foods, such as starchy, sweet, salty and fatty foods. Consequently, if stress or negative emotions are chronic, emotional eating can cause health problems such as weight gain and increased cardiovascular risk.

The good news is that if you're prone to emotional eating, you can regain control of your eating habits. By understanding the reasons why stress and negative emotions may cause you to crave those unhealthy snacks, and how you can avoid indulging your cravings, you're well on your way to avoiding a dietary disaster.

The Connection Between Mood and Food
Major life events — such as unemployment, health problems, divorce and a shortage of emotional support — and daily-life hassles — such as a difficult commute to work, bad weather, and changes in your normal routine — are both thought to trigger emotional eating. But why do negative emotions lead to overeating?

A Physiologic Connection
How your body reacts to mood and food may play a role. Research indicates that some foods might have seemingly addictive qualities for many people. When you eat palatable foods, such as chocolate, your body releases trace amounts of mood- and satisfaction-elevating opiates. That "reward" may reinforce a preference for foods that are most closely associated with specific feelings.
Scientists are also studying the possibility that sweet and fatty foods might actually relieve your anxiety. Preliminary research in animals indicates that during a stressful event, the adrenal gland increases production of stress hormones, including those known as glucocorticoids. When they're present at high-enough concentrations, glucocorticoids help restore calm by shutting down the stress-response system. But when stress is chronic, the system keeps moving. The stress hormones maintain the stress response, which encourages the formation of fat cells, and steers you in the direction of the unhealthy favorites you think you need to restore your emotional state.

A Psychologic Connection
From a mental standpoint, food also can be a distraction. If you're worried about an upcoming event, or rethinking a conflict from earlier in the day, eating comfort foods may distract you. But the distraction is only temporary. While you're eating, your thoughts may be focused on the pleasant taste of your comfort food. Unfortunately, when you're done overeating, your attention returns to your worries, and you may now bear the additional burden of feeling guilt about overeating.

Managing mood and food: How to cope
In the long run, stress-related eating is an unhealthy coping strategy. If you think you have a clinical disorder, such as depression, see your doctor. If you think you're experiencing stress, follow these tips to help you avoid the unhealthy consequences of emotional eating:

Learn to recognize true hunger. Is your hunger physical or mental? If you ate just a few hours ago and don't have a rumbling stomach, you're probably not really hungry. Give the craving a few minutes to pass.
Know your triggers. For the next several days, write down what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat, how you're feeling and how hungry you are. Over time, you may see patterns emerge that reveal negative eating patterns and triggers to avoid.
Look elsewhere for comfort. Instead of unwrapping a candy bar, take a walk, treat yourself to a movie or call a friend. If you think that stress relating to a particular event is nudging you toward the refrigerator, try talking to someone about it to distract yourself. Plan enjoyable events for yourself.
Don't keep unhealthy foods around. Avoid having an abundance of starchy, high-fat, high-calorie comfort foods in the house. If you feel hungry or blue, postpone the shopping trip for a few hours so that these don't influence your decisions at the store.
Snack healthy. If you feel the urge to eat between meals, choose a low-fat, low-calorie food, such as fresh fruit, pretzels or unbuttered popcorn. Or test low-fat, lower-calorie versions of your favorite foods to see if they satisfy your craving.
Eat a balanced diet. If you're not getting enough calories to meet your energy needs, you may be more likely to give in to emotional eating. Try to eat at fairly regular times. Include foods from the basic groups in your meals. Emphasize whole grains, vegetables and fruits, as well as low-fat dairy products and lean protein sources. When you fill up on the basics, you're more likely to feel fuller, longer.
Exercise regularly. Your mood is more manageable and your body can more effectively fight stress when it's fit and well rested.
Prevent relapse. If you give in to emotional eating, forgive yourself and try to learn from it. Make a plan for how you can prevent it in the future.

Though strong emotions can trigger cravings for food, you can take steps to control those cravings. "Start by examining how negative moods and emotions affect your eating habits," says Matthew Clark, Ph.D., a psychologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. "If you think you have an anxiety, depressive or other mood disorder, consult with your doctor about treatment options. If you think stress is playing a more prominent role, monitor your mood, plan stress-reducing activities and seek out social support."

content by:
(c) 2005 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. All rights reserved.

Enhancing Sexual Intimacy

2005-11-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

Enhancing Sexual Intimacy
By: Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC

What do you do if your husband or boyfriend doesn’t want sex as often as he used to...or anymore at all?

This can be a serious concern to both parties in a relationship. I have chosen to focus on men in heterosexual relationships for this article specifically because of the social reputation men seem to have for having insatiable libidos.

It is possible, that throughout the course of a relationship, the desire for sex can wax and wane. When the man in a heterosexual relationship begins to desire sex less, this can create many adverse effects on the woman in the relationship. She may grow to feel inadequate and wonder if she is still alluring to him. She may begin to question her attractiveness resulting in lowered self-esteem and discord between the partners. She may also build anger, resentment, and sadness toward the situation which can perpetuate the loss of intimacy.

Something that is commonly paramount for most women is sexual intimacy and the resulting emotional intimacy that follows. For many women this is a very effective and quite pleasing way at continuously reestablishing her connection to her mate. When the male in the relationship loses his desire for sex, the female may understand that as an unwillingness to become closer and more united with her. It is therefore very important for both partners to understand the reasons for his diminished sexual appetite and come to an agreement about how to remedy this very delicate situation.

There are many possible reasons for a man’s lowered libido. First and foremost, all biological and physiological factors should be ruled out. If he is having any sort of sexual functioning issue, such as erectile dysfunction, impotence, or ejaculatory problems, he should seek the advice and potential treatment from a medical professional. Given that any biological problems are ruled out, the causes could then be psychological in nature. He could be dealing with a great deal of stress at work or home on a myriad of issues that can result in lack of sexual desire. Emotional stress can be tremendously more taxing on a person than the most rigorous physical stress because of the effort it takes for the mind to recover from the stressor. He may also deal with some anticipatory anxiety regarding sex which can cause premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or an overall uncertainty that he is pleasing his partner to her satisfaction.

Any type of pre-existing medical conditions can also cause added stress in his life that physiologically and psychologically may impede him or preoccupy him from wanting sex or even any sort of pleasure. Such conditions might be diabetes, blood pressure concerns, and other cardiac concerns that call for medications that may impede sexual desire.

This also brings me to the issue of depression. While depression, itself, can reduce anyone’s sexual desire, many anti-depressant medications out today also work against a person’s libido. If you or your partner are taking anti-depressants, check with your prescribing physician or psychiatrist about options which produce a lower incidence of sexual side-effects.

On a practical note, there is the possibility that the relationship has become stale or has lost some of its excitement. This loss can manifest itself in sexual intimacy as a result of the daily grind and schedule that constrains us all. Options to rediscover the fire that has dwindled are short vacations solely for the two of you, little gifts and surprises to add romance back into the relationship, or the supplementation of erotica as well as various sexual enhancement toys and devices that could really spice things up. Of course, communication about these particular additions is always recommended, so talk to your partner about his or her likes and dislikes and find out what will work best for both of you.

One remaining probable cause that is difficult for couples to look at is the man’s possible loss of interest in the relationship. It is important to mention that any emotional disparity on his part (or any partner’s part for that matter) is, to a great extent, due to his own actions and beliefs. The most aversive of issues, infidelity, is a very delicate matter and many mental health practitioners differ on whether or not to disclose any unfaithfulness. The help of a marriage counselor could greatly benefit a couple dealing with such an issue and help them decide the best course of action.

In the event that these psychological issues may be present, I advise seeking the help of a sex therapist or a mental health professional who has experience treating sexual disorders and related issues. Before, during, and after you seek the help of a professional, I recommend continuous openness, honesty and communication about the issues that brought you into therapy. Naturally, that would be my advice regarding anything that concerns two partners in a relationship. In a relationship, if one partner has a problem, they are both contributing to it and have the power to fix it as well.

Signs of Repressed Anger

2005-11-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

Repressed and suppressed anger can be highly detrimental to your emotional and physical health. Here are a few of many possible red flags that you might be repressing anger:

1. Grinding teeth
2. Passive/aggressive behavior
3. Frequent headaches
4. Gastrotintestinal problems (heart burn, GERD, ulcers)
5. Irritability
6. Habitual lateness
7. Boredom
8. Sarcasm
9. Short temper
10. Depression
11. "Blowing up" or Raging at people
12. Impatience
13. Constant hurrying
14. Speaking harshly/abruptly
15. Self-centered behavior
16. Anxiety
17. Food abuse
18. Drug abuse
19. Memory/concentration problems
20. Procrastination
21. Sleep distrubance/difficulties
22. Perfectionism
23. Obsessions/Compulsions
24. Physical complaints
25. Self-destructiveness

Am I Depressed?

2005-11-07T09:14:00.001-08:00

Here are some signs that you may be suffering from depression. The symptoms must be present during the same 2-week period to diagnose a depressive episode.

- Feeling down most of the time
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Noticeable appetite increase or decrease
- Significant weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain - Irritable, frustrated, discouraged
- Isolating yourself from others
- Not engaging in the activities that usually bring you joy
- Thoughts, plans, or attempts of suicide
- Fatigue or loss of energy most of the time
- Feelings of worthlessness or excesive or inappropriate guilt
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions
- Feeling slowed down and restless

If you are experiencing any combination of these symptoms, you might want to speak to a mental health professional about depression and ways to combat it. There is no reason to be ashamed. Depression is manageable and you can overcome it.

You Are What You Think: Being Confident

2005-11-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

How do confident people talk, walk, look, behave, manage situations? Here are 10 ways for you to begin thinking and practicing confidence.

1. Only you can measure your confidence. Don't even judge yourself based on other people's opinion of you. You'll find yourself guessing about what they're guessing.
2. Learn to hear, trust, and follow your internal signals. Feelings are the perfect navigation tools.
3. Challenge and failure are not "bad". Challenges and failures are opportunities for learning. Learning is a vehicle of growth.
4. Right here, right now! Hope and planning for the future is a fine thing, but what's happening NOW?! Pondering or regretting past can be helpful, but what's happening NOW!
5. Throw out self-defeating thinking. Replace negatives with positives.
6. Check your expectations. You can't expect people to know who you are if you aren't sure you know yourself. Only you can decide what you like, want, need or think.
7. Give something new a try and be glad you did.
8. Stop asking for permission to exist. For example, intead of "can I get my mail, please?" say "I'd like to get my mail, please".
9. External measures of success are always temporary. Be careful not to get lost in accumulating. Success, progress, value, and growth are found in your perspectives, attitudes, and presentation ot the world.
10. Experience your life as a miracle to be savored and enjoyed. You, yourself, are a miracle. Other people can value and enjoy whatever you choose to share with the world.

Adapted from Your Erroneous Zones and Pulling Your Own Strings, by Wayne Dyer, Ph.D.