Family and The Holidays

When holiday time comes around, we are filled with joy. The anticipation of parties, spending time with friends, giving and receiving gifts, and the general sense of cheerfulness is overwhleming and welcome.

However, for some of us, the holidays are a time when we are faced with old demons, unfinished business, and residual pain. We realize that we are going to be placed in situations that involve our families of origin (mother, father, siblings). We may feel forced, either by feelings of obligation or manipulation, to spend time with people who push our buttons. We can often feel like victims in these situations and forget that we have the power to make the gathering enjoyable regardless of the issues present in our lives.

Family issues can be terribly tricky and confusing. The holidays are a time when we try to make things seem great when sometimes they are just the opposite. We can be easily triggered by old behavioral patterns and fall back into dysfunction.

I'd like to offer some ways to help you enforce your personal boundaries and go into those family gatherings with more self-assuredness, more assertiveness, and be able to leave feeling victorious and whole rather than victimized and disintegrated.

1). Talk about things YOU feel comfortable talking about. Remember that you are an adult and are free to make your own decisions about what you will and won't share.
2). Place yourself near people you trust, enjoy, and feel safe with. If you feel you are being pushed into a corner with someone who triggers your issues, politely excuse yourself to a surrounding that welcomes you.
3). Have an idea of how much time you want to spend with family and let them know that you will be arriving/leaving around those time parameters. Planning ahead will help you feel in control. And making your own decisions known will foster respect from others.
4). Remember that you are an adult and you get to choose if you want to allow someone's words to penetrate you or not. Even when it is difficult, remind yourself that you are there to have a nice time and you don't have to let anyone spoil it for you.
5). Give yourself a pep talk before you leave for the gathering and get support from someone joining you or from someone who you will meet there. Knowing someone is on your side always feels good.
6). Remember to respect yourself and others. Even if you are faced with someone who is toxic for you, get out of the situation and start anew. You will feel better about yourself knowing that you remained honest about your thoughts and feelings while being considerate of yourself and others.
7). You get to decide if you want to be a part of the holiday festivities or not. Use your best judgement. If you think it will be too painful or difficult for you to handle, then make your own holiday plans with people you feel loved and supported by.

Some people in our families of origin are, unfortunately, never going to be safe enough for us to have healthy relationships with. If you think this might be your situation or if you find that you really struggle with family of origin relationships, seeking counseling could help you. Please contact me if you need help.

NEW PHONE NUMBER

I have just gotten a new office phone number.
You may contact me at 972-567-5000.

You may still be able to call the old # and get my voicemail, although
I cannot check messages or return calls from that phone number.

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

What To Expect From Counseling... and What Not To

First of all, I'd like to applaud each and every one of you who finds the courage to embark on the therapy journey. Whether your issue is small or considerable, your choice to help yourself through psychotherapy is commended!

At the beginning of the therapy relationship it is important to talk to your therapist about your expectations. You may have some realistic as well as unrealistic views of the therapy experience. Here is a list of possible unrealistic expectations that you may hold:

1. I expect to feel better immediately.
2. I expect to receive a check-list of things to do that will fix my problems.
3. I expect my therapist to take away most or all of my uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
4. I expect a "cure".
5. I expect my therapist to make my spouse love me again/to make me fall back in love with my spouse.
6. I expect my therapist to fix my child.
7. I expect to heal within a precise and short amount of time.
8. I expect my therapist to take away my pain.
9. I expect my therapist to erase my bad/unpleasant memories.
10. I expect to change without experiencing feelings like pain, sadness, anger, or fear.

While I understand these may be some of your deepest hopes about therapy, they are unrealistic. If you hold onto these expectations during the therapy process you run the risk of changing nothing and worsening your current emotional state.

Here are some realistic expectations of the therapy experience:

1. I expect to bond with and trust my therapist.
2. I expect to learn about myself, both good and bad, and be able to take responsibility for myself.
3. I expect to receive emotional support as well as a voice of reason from my therapist.
4. I expect my therapist to be honest with me at all times.
5. I expect to be productive through hard work and ongoing learning.
6. I expect to be challenged and simultaneously reassured by my therapist.
7. I expect to be rewarded and praised for my hard work.
8. I expect to change at my own pace while being motivated to exceed that pace.
9. I expect to feel comforted and encouraged throughout my journey.
10. I expect to get out of it what I put into it.

As long as you put aside the unrealistic expectations and hold onto the realistic ones,

you will do just fine.

I'll Be Here To Help You

What Anger Does to Your Heart

Here is a short and succinct article I found on WebMD that speaks briefly about a study done comparing excessive anger and heart disease. A large percentage of my readers seem particularly interested in issues regarding anger issues and management thereof.

Men, read this article carefully, because you guys seem to be the most susceptible.

Read the Article

Cancer of the Psyche

The title of this post is a loaded comment, and one that I think ought to be taken seriously. The cancer to which I am referring is Self-Doubt.

Take a minute to think of your connection with this phenomenon and its effects.

How many opportunities have you missed out on because of it?
How many relationships have suffered because of it?
How much pointless agony has it caused you?
How many times has it caused you to second-guess yourself?
How much longer will you let it affect you?

Many of you know what it feels like to be under the thumb of self-doubt. You know what it's like to be affected by this cancer that slowly eats away at your self-esteem and confidence. The impact can range from frustrating to immobilizing. Don't let it control you!

Come See Me. I Can Help.

Sex After 40

We all live pretty hectic lives these days, but that doesn't mean that a fulfilling sex-life must be sacrificed!

Watch this informative interview with my personal collegiate acquaintance, Laura Berman, and learn the facts and statistics about women and sexuality in this day and age.

What Do You Want?

We all go through life making our choices and living the benefits and consequences of those choices. And one day, we "wake up" and wonder where we are and how we got there. Well, we made decisions and they took us on a journey. If the place you've ended up isn't the place you thought you'd be, perhaps you didn't really know what you wanted at the beginning of it all.

What do you want? Do you truly know? Or are you stuck?

One important thing that therapy offers is the opportunity to take a good, close look at you life and make changes based on what YOU want. This means analyzing your job, relationships, where you live, how you challenge yourself, and what brings you joy. And you get to choose what will make you happy and help you flourish. You don't have to live according to someone else's rules- you have a voice too! Of course it is important to remember that your decisions will impact the lives of those round you, so be considerate.

Do you feel stuck? Do you want something new in life but cannot pinpoint it?

Come See Me. I Can help.

Is Relationship Counseling For You?

Here is a short check list to help you decide if relationship counseling could help you.

1. You spend more time away from your partner than usual.
2. You argue more often and about seemingly minor things.
3. You hold grudges.
4. You don't resolve conflict successfully.
5. You have trouble talking to your partner about problems, so you bring a third party friend or family member into the mix (this is also called triangulating).
6. You bring up issues from the past that you or your partner thought were resolved.
7. You question your decision to remain in the relationship.
8. You don't feel like yourself in the relationship/you or your partner have changed for the worse.
9. You have thoughts or have acted on thoughts of infidelity.
10. You have thoughts or have acted on thoughts of separation or divorce.

If you are struggling with any of these thoughts or behaviors, your relationship is running a minimal to severe risk of collapsing.

Pay attention to your relationship and partner, and when you start to notice issues that don't get resolved, be proactive and seek counseling.

If you have waited a long time for things to get better and are feeling hopeless and discouraged about the longevity of your relationship, seek counseling.

I Am Here. I Can Help.

Season with a Reason

As we embark on a the new Autumn season, we can take cues from Mother Nature to help us reinvent our lives. Just as Autumn opens the window for Winter, the earth shrugs off the old to make room for Spring and all that is new; so may we. Let this time inspire you to end ties with behaviors, beliefs, and feelings that no longer serve you and start anew with a life that YOU choose to lead... a life full of joy, love, and peace.

Let Me Help You Begin!

Are You Doing Your Homework??

Whether you belong to the "therapy club" or are doing your personal growth work on your own, there's always homework to do. And at this school, every subject requires not an A, but an E for effort. Continuing effort to learn, grow, change, become enlightened, and Become Your Best Self!

I Believe In You!

New Professional Certification!

I'm proud and pleased to share with all of you that I have just been designated by the American Psychotherapy Association as a national Board Certified Professional Counselor.

You can view their website at http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com/about.php

This is a testament to my current and prospective clients of my commitment to the job I do- helping you Become Your Best Self!

Sincerely,

Karen Ray Israel, M.Ed., LPC, BCPC

New Client Discount!

Dear all Prospective New Clients,

I am offering a great discount on my initial diagnostic session.

Initial Diagnostic session is only $99! That's 25% off!

Subsequent weekly session fees will remain the same so please inquire about those.

This offer is good for a limited time only, so please make sure you let me know that you read this blog to receive the discount!

De-Stress and Eat Less!

Here's a great, cut-to-the-chase article I found on WebMD. If you ever struggle, a little or a lot, with keeping a healthy body as well as a healthy mind, this is the article for you. The best part is: if you can read it, you can do it!

I SUPPORT YOU 100%

Read The Article

Self Respect

http://www.dictionary.com/ defines:

re·spect - [ri-spekt] –noun
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

self-re·spect - [self-ri-spekt, self-] –noun
proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one's character.

One may not think of these two words much, and surely no attention to their meaning occurs in conscious thought. But the definitions shown above hold the stuff which makes me who I am and you who you are. Without self-respect, who are you?

Without self-respect you open yourself up to manipulation, exploitation, possible physical, emotional and mental abuse, and the inevitable disintegration of your self esteem. People with low self-respect could presently be or become:

• battered wives/husbands
• batterers
• doormats (easily taken advantage of)
• family scapegoat
• bullies

These people may feel:

• angry/annoyed/irritated/rageful
• resentful
• hopeless
• powerless
• depressed
• anxious

You can easily see how a lack of self-respect, in its smallest and largest forms, could change your life from healthy and productive to sickly and fruitless.

If you recognize any of these traits in yourself, don't wait until your symptoms become so confining that you sturggle to see your way out. Whether your issues are minial or monumental, I can help you overcome them.

Become Your Best Self!

Summer - The BEST Medicine!

Hurray for Summer!

Why, you may ask, am I so excited about summertime and why am I taking you along with me on my journey? Because summertime is Mother Nature's way of allowing us to safely overdose on the strongest and most potent medicine she has to give us! I'm talking about sunlight. The abundance of sunlight during the summer months (as well as spring and fall in some areas of the nation) helps bring about such wonderful healing. There is exhaustive research proving the positive effects of sunlight on our physiology as well as our psychology.

Physiclogically speaking, sunlight helps the body produce Vitamin D. This nutrient, when in ample supply in our bodies, helps prevent depression, lethargy, and sleeplessness, as well as a craving for carbohydrate-rich foods. You'll quickly notice that these symptoms are running rampant in many people during the winter months. And psychologically speaking, a mere 30 minutes out in the sun can surely turn your frown upside down! We feel better, happier, and energized.

Summertime sunlight also motivates us to get out of the house, be active, and exercise. Even at it's most mild, exercise has a tremendous effect on mood- specifically depression and anxiety. Some evidence suggests that exercise positively affects the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release tension in muscles, help you sleep better and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness (Mayo Clinic, 2005).

So, you see- Summertime is here for your total gratification.

Take advantage!

Simply Put...

If you focus on what you don't want, that's what you're creating.

Focus on what you DO want!

Then it's yours for the taking!

Message of the Day

It's so easy to spot what others need to change, isn't it?

It's even easier to point it out to them.

But it's not so easy to give people the freedom they need to access the truth on their own. We think people can't see what's wrong with themselves. But as we know, we judge ourselves more than we judge others.

If there is someone in your life who just isn't "getting it", find a way to support and validate them. And if your instincts are crying out to give them a dose of cold hard truth, make sure you ladle it out with sensitivity and heart. Without that, you will only make them feel worse.

-Yehuda Berg's Daily Consciousness Tune-Up

I am here if you know anyone who may need help or is in need of change.

Pre-Marital Counseling Law?

You may have already seen this story on one of the major news stations and I thought I'd post an article which briefly explores the ramifications and implications of this proposed Pre-Marital Counseling Law.

READ THIS ARTICLE


Whatever should happen with this proposition, my opinion remains the same: entering into a marriage requires so much more than love. Pre-marital counseling can show you the truth behind every major issue that could make or break your marriage.

Have a great marriage!

I can help.

Pre-Marital Counseling

Before you say "I do", you need to make certain you know your future mate very well. You could probably learn a great deal about them just by noticing how they live their life. However, whether you learn by observation or discussion, it's best to get a clear picture of their character, lifestyle, and expectations.

My Pre-Marital program helps both partners evaluate 7 highly important core issues that can greatly affect your new marriage and the course your relationship will take. In-depth questions about lifestyle, children, faith, commitment, finances, ethics and character, and personality traits can bring pertinent concerns to light that you may have otherwise overlooked until the problem became too great to conquer.

Addressing these issues can help you determine what areas you mesh and what areas may be "red flags" that will point toward deeper communication and compromise.

Have the best marriage you can!

I can help.

Quote Of The Day

In the province of the mind,

what one believes to be true

either is true or becomes true.

-John Lilly