At the beginning of the therapy relationship it is important to talk to your therapist about your expectations. You may have some realistic as well as unrealistic views of the therapy experience. Here is a list of possible unrealistic expectations that you may hold:
1. I expect to feel better immediately.
2. I expect to receive a check-list of things to do that will fix my problems.
3. I expect my therapist to take away most or all of my uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
4. I expect a "cure".
5. I expect my therapist to make my spouse love me again/to make me fall back in love with my spouse.
6. I expect my therapist to fix my child.
7. I expect to heal within a precise and short amount of time.
8. I expect my therapist to take away my pain.
9. I expect my therapist to erase my bad/unpleasant memories.
10. I expect to change without experiencing feelings like pain, sadness, anger, or fear.
While I understand these may be some of your deepest hopes about therapy, they are unrealistic. If you hold onto these expectations during the therapy process you run the risk of changing nothing and worsening your current emotional state.
Here are some realistic expectations of the therapy experience:
1. I expect to bond with and trust my therapist.
2. I expect to learn about myself, both good and bad, and be able to take responsibility for myself.
3. I expect to receive emotional support as well as a voice of reason from my therapist.
4. I expect my therapist to be honest with me at all times.
5. I expect to be productive through hard work and ongoing learning.
6. I expect to be challenged and simultaneously reassured by my therapist.
7. I expect to be rewarded and praised for my hard work.
8. I expect to change at my own pace while being motivated to exceed that pace.
9. I expect to feel comforted and encouraged throughout my journey.
10. I expect to get out of it what I put into it.
As long as you put aside the unrealistic expectations and hold onto the realistic ones,
you will do just fine.
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